Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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