Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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