it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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