Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
