You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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