wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
