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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
