Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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