If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
