I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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