i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
