Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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