i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
