I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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