Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
