Say something about gay babies.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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