Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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