I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
