Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
