I'm lost and stupid without you.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
