Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I cut my penus on the lid.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
