i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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