So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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