No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize