so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you traded sex for a burrito?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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