I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
