guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My vagina is officially offended.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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