i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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