Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
