I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
