her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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