i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
