1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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