it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
