In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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