I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
