Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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