sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
