I think i peed on brittanys purse
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
