did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
