GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
