sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
