how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
