oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
