can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
