Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
