More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
