So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
