So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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