Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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