we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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