There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Are we still banned from the library?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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