WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
