and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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