I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
