Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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