giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
