I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
