So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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