Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
