I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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