About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
