There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
