woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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