"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
