I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
