He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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