Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
