Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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