I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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