Soap is not a condiment
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
