Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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