dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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