Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
