His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
